In this article, we’ll address 6 common questions about self-love. We will share 3 practical strategies for developing self-love habits that will put you well on your way to a more loving, balanced, happier relationship with yourself and on the path to extraordinary outcomes.
If the last 2,000 years on Earth were a (very) long, drawn-out baseball game of love against fear, you, dear reader, would be the closing pitcher on the love team, poised to finish the final inning in triumphant flair. It won’t be a walk in the park, though: those of us on the ascension path have contracted to experience many lifetimes built on the old template of pain, fear, and negativity so that we can know what low vibration is and rise, in Phoenix-from-ashes style, to shape a collective world in which love rules.
The self-love you cultivate for yourself and by yourself is the very seed from which this new, loving world will spring. So, let’s get started! In this article, we’ll address 6 common questions about self-love and share 3 practical strategies for developing self-love habits that will put you well on your way to a more loving, balanced, happier relationship with yourself and on the path to extraordinary outcomes.
6 Common Self Love Questions
Let’s start with the Basics.
One: What is the definition of self-love? The dictionary definition of self-love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).” That seems simple enough. Except, for many if not most of us, it’s not so simple — especially when we have grown up with stories that led us to believe we’re not good enough, that something is wrong with us, and that we’re not worthy of love.
Though you may have naturally shaped your beliefs to align with the limiting narrative of your upbringing, thankfully, you can rewrite those beliefs, no matter how limiting they are.
Two: Why don’t we automatically know self-love? Your great-grandmother would have looked out over her reading glasses with a puzzled expression if you asked her if she focused on loving herself. Even a few decades ago, self-love wasn’t really a thing in collective culture. No one was talking about it, perhaps because the time was not yet right. And if your great-grandmother didn’t know about self-love, neither did your grandmother or your mother.
Indeed, who we are today, is a product of the stories we learned and beliefs we inherited from our mothers and fathers. That may mean you are doing the heavy lifting of transmuting a disempowering, low-vibe narrative that has taught you to ignore your own needs and stay small, voiceless, and invisible. But all is not lost: from a spiritual perspective, we need the contrast of the low vibration to know, appreciate, and rise up to choose higher.
Are you aware of your Inner Voice?
Three: What does life look like without self-love? Without self-love, you may find yourself burned out and disengaged, with a nagging, negative attitude. You might feel powerless and unfulfilled. You may settle for less than you deserve. Why? Because when we are unaware of the inner voice, we feel lost and promote something or someone in the outer world to savior status. When we do this, we lose our power, serving and people-pleasing in the ways we are taught to THINK will win us the love we seek, instead of generating the FEELING of love for ourselves inside our own hearts.
In this painful, depleted place, it’s easy to wind up feeling unstable and exhausted. When we start out not feeling good enough, we lack the healthy boundaries that accompany self-love and continue to repeat the same old painful patterns, attracting individuals who repeatedly show us, often in painful ways, that the love we seek can only be found within.
When you love yourself, you feel free to be who you truly are. You feel centered, balanced and steady. – Brandy Alexander
Four: What does it feel like to love yourself? When you love yourself, you feel free to be who you truly are. You feel centered. You feel balanced and steady. Subsequently, you feel quietly confident. You know who you are. You know you can handle what comes your way. This is because when you ensure your cup is always full by continuously and proactively tending to your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, you become a powerful force. You can now step forward and show up in the world in extraordinary ways that uplift yourself and others. From a spiritual perspective, self-love is the path of purpose that we all deeply sense and seek.
Learn to Release and Heal.
Five: Is self-love selfish? For many of us who grew up with the script of people-pleasing and unspoken expectation to sacrifice our time, desires, dignity, self-respect, and even basic needs for the sake of others, self-love can feel wrong or even selfish. Let’s be clear: genuine self-love is not selfish, wrong, or bad; it’s a vital cornerstone in spiritual and personal development. To know the difference, you can ask: Where is the drive for self-love coming from? Is it the ego, which longs to feel superior, special, recognized, popular, and safe? Or is it the spiritual heart, which longs to align with and express the multidimensional self (made of pure love and light) through a human avatar here on Earth?
Six: What happens when everyone cultivates self-love? Because love drives acceptance, kindness, compassion, inclusiveness, equity, understanding, and upliftment, only good things can happen. Self and others mirror one another and expanding your ability to feel these emotions toward yourself automatically transforms the lens through which you perceive others, even if you don’t agree with their values or actions.
Instead of firmly holding your ground, married to what you think is right, you can choose to be fluid and hold unconditional compassion. This way, your perception of others expands into the oneness of loving, and you erase the perceived veil of separation. This invisible fabric has kept humanity arguing, judging, criticizing, blaming, competing, and killing one another for thousands of years. Dissolving these invisible walls is a way to be of service to humanity, perhaps the highest rank of spiritual service you can earn in a lifetime. And all you have to do is start by loving yourself.
“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
If I am not for others, what am I?
And if not now, when?” – Rabbi Hillel
3 Practical Strategies to Develop Self Love Habits
When you treat yourself with the same kind of love that you would give a small child, that’s when you’re onto something. Because after all, loving yourself is not just about loving your body and your personality. It’s about loving all the aspects and shadows of you that may have once been shamed, ignored, or abused. And ultimately, It’s about becoming your own best friend. It’s nourishing and nurturing your inner being through simple daily rituals and healthy intentional choices that keep you balanced, well, rested, content, emotionally fulfilled, and feeling unconditionally lifted and loved at all times.
After all, no one in the world can love you the way you love you, so make it fun and make it count!
One: Love Yourself Through Daily Rituals that Command the Energy
Make your physical space a sanctuary with high-vibe treats like incense, candles, and Solfeggio frequencies that keep the channels clear for all the senses. Everything you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch has a vibration that can affect yours, so why not choose to create a space you love with the highest possible vibe?
Learn to hear and heed your inner voice as you move throughout your day and participate in work, relationships, meals, and entertainment. The inner voice can feel like it comes from the heart, belly, or around your head. Get to know and trust it. Learn to discern when the voice is asking you to protect yourself, and create physical or emotional distance with people and things that no longer resonate with your climbing vibration.
Listen to your body and mind, then ask where attention might be needed to release physical tension, notice and shift a destructive thought pattern, or transmute the energy of a recurring negative feeling or emotion. Be willing to sit with it, see it, love it, and let it go. You can even learn the power of techniques like mudras to tap into that energy.
Move your BODY with exercise, your THOUGHTS with the right action, and your FEELINGS with permission to express (vs. repress) whatever comes up. Movement is the key to keeping the river of life flowing freely without leading to physical, mental, or emotional blockage. Suppose your channel becomes stagnant with negative or heavy/dense energy. In that case, you remain in low vibration when much higher is available to you in this very moment if only you are willing to recognize and release it.
Two: Love Yourself by Putting You First
Focus on doing what you love, say no when you don’t want to do something, or it doesn’t resonate, and let everything else gently and kindly fall away.
Appreciate everything about things like your Body, Voice, Mind, Heart, and Smile, no matter what form it takes.
- Body: Your big, small, tall, round, brown, yellow, wrinkly, tattooed, or plain and wonderful body
- Voice: Your assertive, squeaky, soft, harmonious, or resounding voice
- Mind: Your open, curious, funny, witty, and wild mind
- Heart: Your giving, loving, brazen, and beating heart
- Smile: Your kind and generous smile
Life may seem better through the social media lens, but don’t be deceived: underneath every photoshopped face is a human being who also feels turmoil and experiences hardship. No soul is immune. Release from the game of pretense, ego, comparison, and competition. You have nothing to prove. You are perfect exactly the way you are right now.
Be kind, gentle, and forgiving, moving fluidly through the ups and downs of life, and knowing that, no matter how bad things may seem, it’s all okay. Go easy on yourself and let the little things melt away. And always remember: nothing can break you, and you will never be given a situation you cannot handle.
Three: Love Yourself by Being Your Own Therapist
When you feel down, instead of hitting the cookie jar and feeling deeply shameful and regretful a dozen cookies later, have an intimate conversation with yourself. Don’t worry, it’s not weird. It’s healthy, and it’s free. No one even needs to know about it. Here’s what it looks like: What’s wrong, Sarah? I feel rejected. Why do you feel rejected? Because my date never texted. Why does that upset you? Because it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Where does that feeling come from…who or what does it remind you of? For years, my estranged father always said he would call, and he never did.
Then feel the emotion of rejection. Cry it, yell it, or otherwise, get it out! Give it a voice. Then think of a time when you rejected someone. Finally, forgive yourself and everyone involved, and move through it. This is what an empowered self-love dialogue looks like. You release and heal old wounds and their insidious patterns by facing and working through your present moment experiences.
Self Love Will Change YOUR World and Heal THE World
Planet Earth is a classroom. We are here to learn and grow—often through great hardship. We must find the courage to crack open our hearts, see what’s there, love it no matter how messy it is, and learn to be vulnerable and free like children once again. Only this time, we are not children but informed, awakened, unfolding souls, with the prerequisite battle scars and experience required to literally transform the world with love. And as the collective continues to open their hearts one by one, a great force of love swells and grows, dissolving every imaginable barrier.
…Then, a moment of quiet just before this: the crack of the bat, the winning run rounding third base as the ball soars up and over the heads of the spectators, and the roar of spontaneous triumph as love wins the game.
What is your go-to way to take care of yourself? Do you have something to share? We would love to hear from you!